Pat Buchanan: "Who has time for logic? I hate gays!"

Pat Buchanan revealed to Chris Matthews today on MSNBC that gays should not be elected. Reasons? Gay governor Jim McGreevey of New Jersey and gay congressman Mark Foley both resigned their offices for admitting to sexual dalliances with a male aide and queasy email come-ons with male pages, respectively. When I bumped into him outside of the MSNBC studio, I asked him who else should not serve in politics. As if he were expecting me, he whipped out a list of enemies:

1. Fat people, because House Leader Dennis Hastert looks too sweaty and clammy when lying about when he knew of Foley's creepitude (some two years ago).
2. The Amish, because they forgive law-abiding gun owners who kill their kin.
3. Arabs, because they don't eat bacon. You can't trust anyone who refrains from the holiest of holiest animals. Good for testing who's a terrorist and who's not.
4. Women, because, well, isn't it obvious? None of them want to be my mistress. Guess I'll have to go home to my wife (shudder).
5. Democrats, because the color blue just doesn't inspire simple emotions like rage and hatred, like the color red!
6. Blacks, but not because they're lesser or stupider than whites. It's because I just don't have time to learn what the words "jive" and "turkey" mean.
7. Jews, because stars have five points, not six. God damn it, look at our flag! It's all there, just like it's all there in the Bible. New Testament, not Old, because the Torah comes from the Old one, but the New preaches forgiveness and loving they neighbor while the Old speaks of a vengeful God. Wait...
8. Buddhists. Uh, I don't recall anyone in Congress worshipping Jelly Belly, so I guess it really wasn't all that important.
9. Canadians, because they're not Americans.
10. Veterans, because they can't be trusted to know what's really going on in Iraq. Unless we order them to believe it. Which they do.

After thanking me for believing in Christ (for I had survived this encounter without having my head implode from this experience), he shook my hand and then left the building with his entourage of very big men in very big suits. I asked God for a sign that Good would actually overcome Evil one day. It came in the form of a pretty good Snicker's bar that I bought two minutes later from some newspaper stand. Well, I said to myself, I guess life isn't all that bad after all.